[May 3, 2006]

“I need to breathe” these was the exact same text message I got from a friend of mine two nights ago and the weeks before that her messages were of the same context, each message a phrase of her paragraphing the story of her sentenced life on how unhappy she was.  
Pitiful, I say. At first I was advising her how to handle everything and all then I thought that is what she really wanted. I maybe wrong but now I’m convinced she doesn’t need to be advised or she doesn’t want my advice. Like a pearl diver, she just goes up for air and after that she dives again. 
Like what I always say during alcohol-laced debates with my friends, here comes a friend of yours asking advise whether it be about love, family, work or anything under the sun and what do you do? You give your well-thought of opinion, what you really think would help him or her and what does your friend do in return? He or she does the exact opposite. 
So now you’re in a dilemma of asking yourself did your opinion made sense? Or your friend just thought otherwise? The answer is neither! The psyche of persons who wants advise (this is just me talking, I have no degree in Psychology to back this up, just my, say, experienced opinion) is they really are not asking for one, before someone comes to you and ask your advise they have already made up their mind. What they really want is an affirmation of the answer that is already in their head. And you’re being asked to echo their sentiments and if you do not, fine by them, they just go on with their premeditated action. (I’m expecting a barrage of violent reactions here, peace!) 
Now back to my friend, err friends. Her statement of the problem (ala thesis noh?) is about love, the love of her life. I know this might sound a bit cheesy for my age, hell, “I fought many wars, some for land, some for glory, some for power but I guess fighting for love makes sense of all the rest” and that’s King Priam talking. 
My friend suffers from what everyone seems to be suffering from. I don’t know if it’s a disease that has been going on for thousands of years or so but it’s the same story with a different circumstance anyway if you analyze it, it’s the same as all the problems of the heart. 
The guy loves her but sometimes she doesn’t feel it, she’s happy but most of the time she’s not. She’s not sure if he really loves her, she wants out but chooses to stay hoping something good or miraculous will come out of all of it. Get it? The typical heartbreak scenario and I’ve heard it a hundred times and I’m guessing so do you. 
So here I am doing a Helen Vela (rest in peace) to her. And still she’s unhappy. Love is a two-way street I say and love means your happiness outweigh by far or the farthest from the times you have to cry and then she asked what is the right thing to do and so I tell her maybe it’s time to reassess your feelings. 
I further add that when you truly love someone you feel there is no mistake, everything is right for you. There are no questions because you’re too engrossed with the fact that you love someone that all you can think of is just the two of you. The world stops, everything is a blur and the only clear picture you can see is the both of you because that is what matters and that’s what only matters. 
After that all I got was “andame mo naman sinabi” hehehe. It’s cool for me at least I got to share what love is for me. And now I’m thinking maybe Agent Smith was right, maybe we human beings love suffering, maybe if we all get to live in paradise then that would mean the end of the world for all of us. Men love the challenge of chasing something that eludes them and women are happy being miserable with the one they love. Well for me that should not be the case. 
I don’t quite remember where I read this—the reason we hold on to someone who loved us wholeheartedly before but is the exact opposite now is because we think that that overwhelming feeling of being loved so much before could never ever happen again with someone new. 
It could happen again! It could happen to you. 
I have many more to add but my eyelids are now having a mind of their own. The mind is willing but the flesh is weak (I don’t know if I got that right) before I set off for slumber land I think I’ll learn a lesson from the pearl diver. That is all we have to do, dive for pearls, appreciate the marine life, learn from the ocean, when we dive we should learn to go up for air however we should know that diving and going up for air will eventually take it’s toll on us. Fatigue will set in and we’ll eventually drown. We should know that we humans do not belong to the sea. We should love the sea and learn from it. And unless someone down there miraculously loves us and gives us gills, we have dry land where we can breathe normally.